legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
