I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
