Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
