It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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