You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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