My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
