I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
