I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
