He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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