Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
