You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I touched a dick in church today
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
