how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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