You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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