Betty ford says i'm here all night
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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