I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
