Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
