We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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