Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
