It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
