Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize