I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
