i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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