I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize