1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
