In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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