i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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