Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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