Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
