Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
