If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
