Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
