Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
