Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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