Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
