if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize