i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
