I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
