Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
