come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
