goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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