i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
