Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I skipped work to stalk him.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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