I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't deserve a penis
I have feelings that need drinking.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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