pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
