I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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