God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
