god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
