I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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