the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
