I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
