pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
