I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
