I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
