you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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