five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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