Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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