Cold hands, warm shart.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
