I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize