My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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