Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
