she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
