she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All I want is dick and wine.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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