Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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