Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
