Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
