I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize