Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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