No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
