Apparently you make a good broom.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
