How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
