The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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