love makes seman taste better
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This is my gift to your gina
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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