Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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