hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
