my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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