Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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