he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is Oprah even human
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
