yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
