wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
