Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
