I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
