Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
