new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
