is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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