I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Come on in and take your pants off
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