She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
