I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
