I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
