i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
