Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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