R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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