I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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