So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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