New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
