we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This baby is an asshole
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
