I want to walk on stilts...naked
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
