I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
