When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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