we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she peed on how many people?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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