16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
