I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
