Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
