Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize