love makes seman taste better
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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